Archive for April, 2006

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Office of what the fuck?

28 Apr 2006

One of the major changes in our new socialist workers' paradise has been the nobbling of the Industrial Relations Commission and the introduction of the Office of Workplace Services as the regulator responsible for ensuring employers comply with workplace laws and place for employees to complain if they're getting shafted.

Still, it's a bit odd that the website is so obscure. For instance, it doesn't come up when you do a Google search for "Office of Workplace Services" (this may change over time, but it doesn't now). And it isn't linked off the Department of Employment and Workplace Relations website or anywhere else obvious. It's almost as if the Government doesn't want you to know about it.

Which is exactly the kind of conspiracy theory those Commies at the 7.30 Report were spinning the other night. If the Government underfunds and under-resources the OWS and tries to make sure nobody knows it exists, employers will have a much easier time screwing over their staff. Not implausible.

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Dishonourable discharge

27 Apr 2006

Look, there’s nothing funny about the death and subsequent shenanigans transporting the body of Private Jake Kovco. So why is the Government playing silly buggers about the circumstances of his death? This is what we get from Defence Minister Doc Nelson:

He wasn’t in fact cleaning his weapon. It was near him in his vicinity and he made some kind of movement which suggests that it discharged. There was obviously a live round in it which there should not have been and that’s as much as I should probably say at the moment.

Ah good, that clears things up. “Some kind of movement” like what, falling over dead?

And sure it’s opportunistic, but you have to wonder - as did Australian Defence Association executive director Neil James - why Defence is so tight arsed it has to outsource something as sensitive as shipping home the bodies of fallen servicemen to a glorified freight company instead of getting the air force to do it.

And why is the very recently widowed Shelley Kovco giving the Prime Minister an earful about all this? Surely she realises no one told him what was going on. And he definitely didn’t read the report.

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A fifth of rum!

26 Apr 2006

A couple of houses ago, I lived in the upstairs part of a converted two-storey terrace. The guys downstairs (the second lot of guys downstairs, the first lot merit their own chapter at some point) were two brothers from Bermuda or Barbados or somewhere else Carribean. Lovely chaps, usually good neighbours, except they'd come home stinking drunk, chunder in the gutter, crank up the tunes on their very large stereo and party with assorted friends/casual fucks/drunk people they met in the bar that night. At 3am. On a Tuesday.

One time this happened, I staggered downstairs and joined the fun. It was just the brothers and an incoherently drunk Irish barmaid from the pub around the corner. After a few drinks, they brought out a bottle of rum from Bermuda or Barbados or wherever it was they were from and poured me a shot. Wow. Dark, smooth, sweet and smoky. Makes Bundy taste like fermented cat piss (I suspect that's what it's made of anyway). Can't remember for the life of me what it was called though. And my interweb trawling has so far left me none the wiser.

Of course, I could just go around and ask them, I think they still live there. Would be faster, too. Technology sometimes blinds us to the obvious solution, no?

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Dangerous

24 Apr 2006

The future of the United States is under serious threat from an intolerant fundamentalist religion whose followers seek to take advantage of, subvert and ultimately destroy the freedoms upon which America was founded and impose their weird rituals and fanatical beliefs on the rest of the world.

It's called Christianity.

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Cover that midriff, it’s making me anorexic

17 Apr 2006

Those enlightened feminists over at Gymnastics Australia have ordered Australian cheerleaders to cover up their midriffs because it's feared "revealing costumes make sensitive teenagers feel uncomfortable about their weight and affect the self-esteem of [presumably less sensitive] others", reports the Sunday Mail in Queensland. Gymnastics Australia is "keen for cheerleaders to be seen as athletes in sports wear, rather than bimbos in bikinis".

Riiiiiiight. So that would explain why a pretty face, tiny body, unfeasibly large breasts and inch-thick makeup are also an obligatory part of the costume for these 'athletes in sports wear'. Let's not dwell on the exploitative and pervy skin-tight costumes worn by female gymnasts (if they were old enough to have pubic hair, they'd need to do some serious waxing).

Stop it, I'm getting poor body imageI'm also wondering why a gymnastics board is the peak body for cheerleaders but not, say, ballet dancers. Cheerleading is hard work and requires high levels of skill and fitness, but so is arm wrestling, which is not covered by Gym Oz. On the other hand trampolining is, but not diving. Go figure.

It's nice that the Sunday Mail got into the spirit of things by accompanying the story with this delightful photo of some of the Queensland Reds' top athletes: Jasmine, Taryn and Bec. And you can clearly see how Bec, on the right with the bare belly, is the only one of the three who might give teenagers funny ideas about how they're supposed to look.

But, you know, it's good to see those Gymnastics Australia chaps taking a stand somewhere that will really make a difference. Once cheerleading fans are deprived of navel-gazing opportunities, teenage girls will have no more sources of poor body image. Except TV, movies, magazines, newspapers, the internet, posters, books and, of course, each other.

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Wow

12 Apr 2006

Look, I may have been unfairly harsh to Lleyton Hewitt. He is evidently a man of rare insight and wisdom.

My local shop has a weeks-old poster from one of the gossip mags touting an exclusive interview with the tennis maestro. The cover line reads:

Bec and Mia
changed
my life

So, um, getting married and having a baby changed his life.

Imagine that.

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The new Big Kev

11 Apr 2006

Finally, signs the fed ALP has got tired of kicking each other in the gonads and started to apply the boot, more appropriately, to some government groins. Most of the work, admittedly, has been done for them by the government itself being grossly incompetent and arrogant, with plenty of help from the Cole Inquiry and the media. It was heartening to see Kevin Rudd getting fired up and actually saying something on Lateline last night.

But John Howard just plays word games. John Howard is a spin doctor, he's not a leader when it comes to these matters at all. He's concerned about his short-term political gain, not the long-term national interest of getting to the truth of how this $300 million wheat for weapons scandal came about . . . And when I saw him on television tonight proclaiming to the nation, looking deadly serious, looking like his best Winston Churchill look-a-like facing saying, "I believe that this demonstrates that we have a thoroughly transparent process, and we're interested in getting to the truth of this matter." Well, pigs might fly.

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And in other non-news

6 Apr 2006

JK Rowling says models are too skinny, calling them "empty-headed, self-obsessed, emaciated clones". Yawn. Even when she's trying to be 'edgy' and 'subversive' she's still ploddingly unoriginal.

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The future of journalism

5 Apr 2006

Local telecommunications-whinge blog Whirlpool is often lauded for its cutting-edge contribution to the field of technology journalism. It frequently breaks mind-blowingly vital news stories such as Telstra ADSL down in Wagga and Telstra ADSL back up again in Wagga. Basically it's the same sort of rabid no-life obsessive compulsive audience as slashdot, but replacing Microsoft with Telstra as the Evil Empire that must be destroyed.

So when the wacky-zany Whirligigs decided to post a childish, unfunny and utterly nerdly April Fool's Day prank, it was completely indistinguishable from any other whiny post about Telstra on any given day. You'd need to be a broadband super-mega-geek to even get it was a joke . . . and at least half the audience didn't and posted "OMG this is an outrage!" like the whiny girl pantses they all are. So this is the future of journalism.

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At least I still have the hat

2 Apr 2006

When I moved to Sydney 10 years ago, tonight was pretty close to what I expected it to be like. Having bought myself a very stylish top from a very good local designer earlier today, met up with one of my regular crews and went to a rooftop party in a building up on top of the hill in North Bondi, with a spectacular view of the city, harbour bridge and North Sydney. Live band and DJs, party full of beautiful and interesting people. Most of them rather friendly.

(To this I attribute two factors:
1. It was a hat theme party, so everyone had to wear hats. My friends got me a very silly rajah/Aladdin-style hat which was a great coversation starter, and
2. Esctasy. Lots of it. In everyone else but me.)

Moving on from the party, saw a friend's band play in a beautiful high-ceilinged, art deco bar. Great looking venue, really good band. The crew went off clubbing but I was tired and went home.

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