Archive for February, 2008

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A crime of passion after all

27 Feb 2008

Indonesian police have paraded before the media a man who has admitted to murdering Heidi Murphy. 23 year old Ahmad Fahrul Rosi was arrested last night in East Java. Police say he had been robbing Murphy’s house when she woke up and made a fuss, whereupon he stabbed her 37 times with a kitchen knife he happened to have brought along.

“Yes I regret it, at first I was going only to steal, I admit what I did,” Rosi told the media.

Not that one could ever cast doubt on the integrity of the Indonesian judicial system.

This gruesome crime netted Rosi a laptop, two mobile phones and about a hundred bucks in cash. He sold them and used the money to buy two rings, a new mobile phone and a watch, which he planned to use as part of a marriage proposal to his girlfriend, police said.

Awww, romantic. No wait, that other thing.

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Eat shit and feel ill, celebrities

22 Feb 2008

Ordinarily, celebrity stories are meant to make us envious. Tales of glamorous, wealthy people dining on fine foods and quaffing bank-account-draining beverages supposedly make us see the futility and meaninglessness of our lumpen existences, which we seek to fill by purchasing the goods and services our celebrity heroes endorse.

The same must obviously be the case for news that guests at ‘actor’ Ashton Kutcher’s 30th birthday party may have been exposed to hepatitis A at swank West Village bar Socialista. Nothing says Cuban socialism like a $600 bottle of Moët & Chandon Dom Perignon Rosé, an $8 appetiser made of lettuce or a 20% surcharge added to parties of six or more.

Celebrity guests including Mrs Kutcher Demi Moore, Javier Bardem, Roberto Cavalli, Eric Dane (who?), Rebecca Gayheart (zuh?), Salma Hayek, Catherine Keener, Lucy Liu, Madonna, Gwyneth Paltrow, Ivanka Trump and Liv Tyler would no doubt be horrified to discover the most common method of hepatitis A infection is the faecal-oral route.

One can’t help but wonder what kind of cocktails they serve there.

Actually,  several hundred people who were not celebrities attended the same bar on the three nights the infected bartender was working, but who cares?

Upon reading this story, ordinary people will no doubt also wish they were inadvertently exposed to a virus that infects the liver, causing jaundice, fatigue, abdominal pain, loss of appetite,  nausea, diarrhoea and fever.

New York health authorities have warned said celebrities to get a vaccination quick smart. (It should be noted the health department warned the non-famous patrons as well.) Though to be honest, if they didn’t, you can’t imagine the world would be worse off. Shame hepatitis A is almost never fatal.

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Crime of passion?

12 Feb 2008

Absent of any facts, speculation rages in the Aussie meeja about the motive for the gruesome murder of Heidi Murphy in Bali. The current odds-on theory is a revenge attack for not paying workers’ wages. If it’s true, it puts the debate on industrial relations laws in this country into sharp relief.

Always striving to out-tabloid the tabloids, the Sydney Morning Herald’s reporter “discovered” a journal of love poems at the crime scene, which the police confiscated. But not before the Herald’s man in Bali managed to jot down a few lines, and then saw fit to publish them.

Stripped naked I am here waiting for you and my eyes can only see you. It’s like we’ve met 1000 times before.

Had it been published in the Sydney Goth Herald, no doubt this poem would have been reported as the author foretelling her own death. But of course with the SMH it’s always about sex.

One has to wonder, of course, about the Bali police allowing a Herald journo to poke around the crime scene. And the ethics of publishing this prurient detail of the dead woman’s private life. And the tenuousness of claiming this poetry as evidence to a crime of passion.

I mean, sure it’s shit poetry, but it’s not that bad.

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Bacon sandwiches

11 Feb 2008

Could someone explain why I woke up this morning with intense pain in two muscles at the back of my head - about level with the tops of my ears?

The best suggestion I’ve heard so far was from a colleague who said she used to get the same muscular pain after taking acid.

Of course I haven’t knowingly taken any in the last decade, which could only mean someone secretly dosed me with the stuff. That doesn’t make a lot of sense.

Although it might explain the dream I had last night in which my late grandmother was telling me about bacon sandwiches.

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Barack the Builder - can we fix it?

8 Feb 2008

During the recent Australian federal election campaign, Herald columnist Annabel Crabb lamented that both party leaders were helping police with their inquiries into the death of political oratory.

I may the last person in the world to have noticed, but the same can not be said for the US elections. A prime example is Barack Obama’s rousing words in New Hampshire last month . . .

We know the battle ahead will be long. But always remember that, no matter what obstacles stand in our way, nothing can stand in the way of the power of millions of voices calling for change.

We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of cynics. And they will only grow louder and more dissonant in the weeks and months to come.

We’ve been asked to pause for a reality check. We’ve been warned against offering the people of this nation false hope. But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope.

For when we have faced down impossible odds, when we’ve been told we’re not ready or that we shouldn’t try or that we can’t, generations of Americans have responded with a simple creed that sums up the spirit of a people: Yes, we can. Yes, we can. Yes, we can.

It was a creed written into the founding documents that declared the destiny of a nation: Yes, we can.

It was whispered by slaves and abolitionists as they blazed a trail towards freedom through the darkest of nights: Yes, we can.

It was sung by immigrants as they struck out from distant shores and pioneers who pushed westward against an unforgiving wilderness: Yes, we can.

It was the call of workers who organized, women who reached for the ballot, a president who chose the moon as our new frontier, and a king who took us to the mountaintop and pointed the way to the promised land: Yes, we can, to justice and equality.

Yes, we can, to opportunity and prosperity. Yes, we can heal this nation. Yes, we can repair this world. Yes, we can.

And so, tomorrow, as we take the campaign south and west, as we learn that the struggles of the textile workers in Spartanburg are not so different than the plight of the dishwasher in Las Vegas, that the hopes of the little girl who goes to the crumbling school in Dillon are the same as the dreams of the boy who learns on the streets of L.A., we will remember that there is something happening in America, that we are not as divided as our politics suggest, that we are one people, we are one nation.

And, together, we will begin the next great chapter in the American story, with three words that will ring from coast to coast, from sea to shining sea: Yes, we can.

Or if you have a short attention span, you can watch the Black Eyed Peas’ celebrity-studded music video of the speech. No, for real. And while you’re at it, read the 2,500-odd illiterate, pigheaded, uneducated, self-important ejaculations from the American public in the comments section. Viva Web 2.0!