Archive for August, 2008

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Japanese confusing? Count on it

14 Aug 2008

Having successfully completed Japanese for Beginners, I’ve moved on to Japanese Level 1, which has kicked up the difficulty a notch or two.

We have been learning a lot of counter words. The way you count digits such as phone numbers (ichi, ni,san…) is not the same as round objects (hitotsu, futatsu, mittsu…) or flat objects (ichimai, nimai, sanmai…) or long objects (ippon, nihon, sanbon…) and so forth. Times, days, weeks, months, hundreds, thousands, ten-thousands… all have different counters with rules (ish) and loads of exceptions. Mayumi Sensei has been teasing us by mentioning strange counters, such as the one for small animals (ippiki, nihiki, sanbiki… I think).

How many can there be, I wondered? Wikipedia has a list of roughly 120 counter words for different objects.

There is one for board game matches and radio and television stations (kyoku) and another for guns, sticks of ink, palanquins, rickshaws and violins (chō).There is another chō (same pronunciation, but different kanji - Chinese character) which applies to tools, scissors, saws, trousers, pistols and cakes of tofu, and a third chō for city blocks.

When I mentioned this to my friend Matt, who lives in Hokkaido, he said:

Don’t worry about those counters, I think people generally only use about five different kinds:

  • Hitotsu, futatsu etc for beer,  counters you can’t remember
  • Hon for slender objects, ie bottles of beer
  • Mai for flat objects, ie plates of food to have with beer
  • Piki for small animals, ie talking about crush videos while drinking beer
  • Nin for people, ie the number of people the waitress must seat to drink beer
  • Nen for years, ie the number of years drinking beer in Japan
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Mother leaves a bad taste

4 Aug 2008

For reasons unclear to me, I received a box of Mother energy drink cans in the post from a PR company last week. They were accompanied by a flyer/media release, titled “Mother: New Taste, Double the energy kick*” with a footnote explaining that this was compared to a 250ml can of the old Mother. (The new cans being 500ml each, this is hardly surprising.)

The release said:

OK, we admit it! What were we thinking when we made Mother taste so damn awful? Turns out no-one liked the taste of Mother so we’ve hunted down the idiots that concocted the vile potion and ‘processed’ them accordingly to ensure nothing like this ever happens again.

It continued along the same lines, mentioning gonads at least once in each paragraph:

It tastes nothing like the old one, so man up, grow some balls and take the challenge!

New Mother – it’s here, it’s got double the kick* and it’s got balls  – do you?

To prove you’ve got the balls to handle the new Mother…

The copy on the can was presumably churned out by the same pseudo-hipster idiots who wrote the phoney aren’t-we-cool-and-casual blurbs on Glaceau VitaminWater, another Coca Cola product. The can says:

Warning! High caffeine content… OK, we know that’s why you’re drinking it, but our lame legal guys made us warn you not to feed this to kids, up the duff women or the weak who just can’t tolerate it.

The can makes several other references to testicles and masculinity as well as clarifying that the new formula tastes nothing like the old one.

So evidently the target market for this product is constantly masturbating retarded 14-year-old boys. None of whom read the magazine I edit, which makes the PR exercise highly questionable.

And the new taste?

Utterly, utterly foul. Really vile.

But at least there’s more of it!