Archive for the ‘old’ Category

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Mother leaves a bad taste

4 Aug 2008

For reasons unclear to me, I received a box of Mother energy drink cans in the post from a PR company last week. They were accompanied by a flyer/media release, titled “Mother: New Taste, Double the energy kick*” with a footnote explaining that this was compared to a 250ml can of the old Mother. (The new cans being 500ml each, this is hardly surprising.)

The release said:

OK, we admit it! What were we thinking when we made Mother taste so damn awful? Turns out no-one liked the taste of Mother so we’ve hunted down the idiots that concocted the vile potion and ‘processed’ them accordingly to ensure nothing like this ever happens again.

It continued along the same lines, mentioning gonads at least once in each paragraph:

It tastes nothing like the old one, so man up, grow some balls and take the challenge!

New Mother – it’s here, it’s got double the kick* and it’s got balls  – do you?

To prove you’ve got the balls to handle the new Mother…

The copy on the can was presumably churned out by the same pseudo-hipster idiots who wrote the phoney aren’t-we-cool-and-casual blurbs on Glaceau VitaminWater, another Coca Cola product. The can says:

Warning! High caffeine content… OK, we know that’s why you’re drinking it, but our lame legal guys made us warn you not to feed this to kids, up the duff women or the weak who just can’t tolerate it.

The can makes several other references to testicles and masculinity as well as clarifying that the new formula tastes nothing like the old one.

So evidently the target market for this product is constantly masturbating retarded 14-year-old boys. None of whom read the magazine I edit, which makes the PR exercise highly questionable.

And the new taste?

Utterly, utterly foul. Really vile.

But at least there’s more of it!

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Everything’s under control

2 Dec 2007

The staff at a TV station in Berlin did an office lip dub of Peregrine’s Everything’s Under Control.

An office lip dub is one of those things the young people do nowadays. It is, at least, preferable to some of the other things young people are into in that it doesn’t appear to involve promiscuity or scarification or amphetamine abuse in any overt way.

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Generation Y(awn)

5 Oct 2006

Spruiking her credentials as someone who is in touch with the hip, the now and the youth of today (unlike me), Sydney University media and communications lecturer Kate Crawford has told us to stop believing the stereotype that today’s kiddies aren’t political.

Sure they don’t join political parties or unions and don’t vote in any appreciable pattern, but that doesn’t make them apolitical.

As the sociologist Ulrich Beck notes, people are “involved more than ever before in a wide range of activities that precisely criticise and challenge institutions and elites”. There are community campaigns, global boycotts and countless forms of media activism.

And because Crawford is a bleeding edge media commentator who is a week and a half ahead of the latest trends, she bangs on about blogs being the paramount of non-traditional political activism. Read the rest of this entry ?

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Parklife was parkshite

2 Oct 2006

It’ll be hard to write this without sounding like a boring old geezer complaining about how the young people these days dress funny and listen to awful music that sounds like noise. So I won’t bother trying.

Young people these days dress funny and listen to awful music that sounds like noise. At least this is the impression I got from Parkshite yesterday.

That top-secret government Paris Hilton cloning project is obviously going great guns. And the country’s hairdresser skills shortage has reached crisis judging by the obligatory two choices of topiary - fauxhawk or longish and unkempt - on all the young men. (Obviously this crisis requires urgent federal funding.) The young men were also uniformly dorky and about half of them wore t-shirts with funny slogans that weren’t funny.

Read the rest of this entry ?

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The lady doth protest too much, methinks

23 Sep 2006

Way back when I was a student semi-activist and used to care about stuff, I spent one Saturday afternoon going to a very interesting protest rally.

The story was, a small group of skinheads had organised a little march to promote hatred, racism, bad haircuts, leather appreciation and whatever else it was they stood for. Having got wind of this, a vast coalition of lefties, Trots, hippies, socialists, ferals and a couple of left-wing Zionist (it’s not a contradiction in terms) youth groups decided they’d show up in bigger numbers, thus demonstrating this sort of thing - having a non-left-wing opinion, freedom of speech, etc. - just wasn’t on.

I found it odd, as a representative of my campus Jew crew, to be on the same side of an issue as our local international socialists group, which was certainly a rare occurrence. At this protest, the infamous chief trot was conspicuously swinging about a hefty piece of two by four, just in case things got heavy. (I suspect he was rather hoping they would. A quick Google reveals he has since swapped carpentry for publishing and blogging.)

Things started out fairly innocuously. Read the rest of this entry ?

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At least I still have the hat

2 Apr 2006

When I moved to Sydney 10 years ago, tonight was pretty close to what I expected it to be like. Having bought myself a very stylish top from a very good local designer earlier today, met up with one of my regular crews and went to a rooftop party in a building up on top of the hill in North Bondi, with a spectacular view of the city, harbour bridge and North Sydney. Live band and DJs, party full of beautiful and interesting people. Most of them rather friendly.

(To this I attribute two factors:
1. It was a hat theme party, so everyone had to wear hats. My friends got me a very silly rajah/Aladdin-style hat which was a great coversation starter, and
2. Esctasy. Lots of it. In everyone else but me.)

Moving on from the party, saw a friend's band play in a beautiful high-ceilinged, art deco bar. Great looking venue, really good band. The crew went off clubbing but I was tired and went home.

Read the rest of this entry ?

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Young, happy conservatives

27 Feb 2006

From the department of the bleeding obvious, the Oz tells us young people — as in under 25s — are increasingly conservative and more likely to vote for Johnny than Big Kim . . . while they’re living with parents saving up for a mortgage, going to church and getting ready to get married and make babies. Not making excuses or anything but author Caroline Overington explains it thus:

In part, that’s because young people do not have time to paint slogans on to protest signs. They work an average of 20 hours a week, on top of full-time or part-time study, and they leave university with HECS debts worth $30,000 or more. Since the collapse of communism, young people are less likely to adopt the Marxist view that capitalism contains the seeds of its own destruction. To them the fruit of capitalism is new cars, plasma TVs and trips overseas. They have grown up in an age of prosperity in which the welfare state appears redundant. A vibrant economy has emboldened young people to create small businesses of their own.

Even my own 18-year-old sister sent me a creatively spelled text message yesterday to let me know she got a job at the evil coffee empire before asking me to find her the best price on a shiny new mobile phone which is blatantly aimed at young women. Allow me to quote the marketing copy:

Read the rest of this entry ?

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Old

4 Sep 2004

I was talking to a friend yesterday about whether or not you could say there’s already a distinctive noughties style of music. He didn’t think so, but I’m pretty convinced you can already detect something very new and interesting emerging from that awful decade of grunge, crappy dance, and R ‘n’ B (shoot them all, I say, and let God sort them out).

Of course being the noughties, it’s not something as simple as a music style, more a style of sampling and referencing other work in new and different ways. You could argue that’s what every always does, but let’s not get bogged down in discussions about what’s original or authentic, we’ll be here all day.

Artists as diverse as Ladytron, Interpol and Melbourne-based Cut Copy I think are all part of an emerging new style of music that doesn’t seem to have a name yet; I call it post-post-punk for reasons which will become obvious if they aren’t already. These bands to varying degrees all owe a lot to (sample, reference, rip off, as you prefer) early ’80s post-punk bands like Joy Division/New Order, Human League etc, but they also add bits and pieces from grunge, and all over the place.

There’s a similar trend in dance music to incorporate snippets of ’60s and ’70s dance that’s been happening for quite some time, but I’m not a big dance music listener these days. Of course this isn’t entirely chronologically accurate; Stereolab have been doing this sort of thing for more than a decade.

Another band that I think has a noughties sound is The Polyphonic Spree. Sure, there’s little original in their musical style — 90% ripped off the Beatles’ exuberant late ’60s sound. But I’m a Gen X-er and young people today are not. The Polyphonic Spree are a perfect example of Gen Y: upbeat, optimistic, somewhat conservative, and maybe a little bit Christian — but in a nice way. And that’s another difference between me and smarmy Gen Y kiddies, it makes no difference to them that their favourite artist has ripped off their style entirely from some band that was cool 20 years ago or that their favourite single is a cover version of some band that I used to listen to.

I realise I’m so old that all this ’80s retro stuff is being aimed at me because now I have enough money to buy all those CDs I couldn’t when I was a teenager (oh yeah, they didn’t have CDs, they were called “records”, kids!). People made fun of new romantic bands like The Smiths and The Cure because they were all gloomy and depressed, but by crikey, we had stuff to be depressed about!

We had Reagan and Thatcher and the cold war. We had movies like The Day After keeping us convinced we were all going to be vapourised by hydrogen bombs or die a long, painful death from radiation. We had a worldwide recession and massive unemployment. After Reagan died, suddenly everyone was blabbing on about what a brilliant leader he was for ending the cold war. But only because history proved him right — what if he had been wrong?! He brought us closer than anyone else to nuclear oblivion, and fucked his country over by privatising everything in sight and wiping out the public health and education systems — an example we see the present Australian Government trying its hardest to emulate.

Whereas today, the only thing they have to worry about is some sort of nebulous terrorist threat and the possibility that their mortgage payments might go up. Oh yeah, people younger than me have mortgages because their parents got rich on the property boom and they lived at home until they were 25. And I have lived in a country that faces real terrorist threats, not just a scare tactic to get those conservative cunts re-elected.

The point is, I love some of this new music, but why do I feel so old and bitter?