Archive for the ‘wordy things’ Category

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Japanese confusing? Count on it

14 Aug 2008

Having successfully completed Japanese for Beginners, I’ve moved on to Japanese Level 1, which has kicked up the difficulty a notch or two.

We have been learning a lot of counter words. The way you count digits such as phone numbers (ichi, ni,san…) is not the same as round objects (hitotsu, futatsu, mittsu…) or flat objects (ichimai, nimai, sanmai…) or long objects (ippon, nihon, sanbon…) and so forth. Times, days, weeks, months, hundreds, thousands, ten-thousands… all have different counters with rules (ish) and loads of exceptions. Mayumi Sensei has been teasing us by mentioning strange counters, such as the one for small animals (ippiki, nihiki, sanbiki… I think).

How many can there be, I wondered? Wikipedia has a list of roughly 120 counter words for different objects.

There is one for board game matches and radio and television stations (kyoku) and another for guns, sticks of ink, palanquins, rickshaws and violins (chō).There is another chō (same pronunciation, but different kanji - Chinese character) which applies to tools, scissors, saws, trousers, pistols and cakes of tofu, and a third chō for city blocks.

When I mentioned this to my friend Matt, who lives in Hokkaido, he said:

Don’t worry about those counters, I think people generally only use about five different kinds:

  • Hitotsu, futatsu etc for beer,  counters you can’t remember
  • Hon for slender objects, ie bottles of beer
  • Mai for flat objects, ie plates of food to have with beer
  • Piki for small animals, ie talking about crush videos while drinking beer
  • Nin for people, ie the number of people the waitress must seat to drink beer
  • Nen for years, ie the number of years drinking beer in Japan
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Mother leaves a bad taste

4 Aug 2008

For reasons unclear to me, I received a box of Mother energy drink cans in the post from a PR company last week. They were accompanied by a flyer/media release, titled “Mother: New Taste, Double the energy kick*” with a footnote explaining that this was compared to a 250ml can of the old Mother. (The new cans being 500ml each, this is hardly surprising.)

The release said:

OK, we admit it! What were we thinking when we made Mother taste so damn awful? Turns out no-one liked the taste of Mother so we’ve hunted down the idiots that concocted the vile potion and ‘processed’ them accordingly to ensure nothing like this ever happens again.

It continued along the same lines, mentioning gonads at least once in each paragraph:

It tastes nothing like the old one, so man up, grow some balls and take the challenge!

New Mother – it’s here, it’s got double the kick* and it’s got balls  – do you?

To prove you’ve got the balls to handle the new Mother…

The copy on the can was presumably churned out by the same pseudo-hipster idiots who wrote the phoney aren’t-we-cool-and-casual blurbs on Glaceau VitaminWater, another Coca Cola product. The can says:

Warning! High caffeine content… OK, we know that’s why you’re drinking it, but our lame legal guys made us warn you not to feed this to kids, up the duff women or the weak who just can’t tolerate it.

The can makes several other references to testicles and masculinity as well as clarifying that the new formula tastes nothing like the old one.

So evidently the target market for this product is constantly masturbating retarded 14-year-old boys. None of whom read the magazine I edit, which makes the PR exercise highly questionable.

And the new taste?

Utterly, utterly foul. Really vile.

But at least there’s more of it!

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Attention SMH: typos diminihs your cerdiblity

17 Jul 2008

From the SMH online front page:

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Barry Hall, motivational speaker

11 Jul 2008

Barry Hall’s current suspension from the Swans may be the best thing that ever happened to him. If today’s article in the Fairfax papers is any guide, Barry has a promising future as a business motivational speaker.

Titled I must be proactive to get through these confusing times, Hall’s article is a cornucopia of corp-speak buzzwords: “on the front foot”, “source”, “going forward”, “timeframe”, “worst-case scenarios” and so forth.

You have to admire his honesty and he definitely has a commanding stage presence. A bit more coaching on the language - a few end-to-ends and a best practices or two - and he’s got it made.

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tl;dr

11 Jun 2008

Nicholas Carr writes in The Atlantic how the internet (not just Google, despite the title) is sapping our ability to read in depth long passages of text. On the intertubes we tend to skim and sample, looking for the quick win; the nugget of information that means we can stop reading. However, Carr finds this behaviour is spilling over into his non-web reading.

As the media theorist Marshall McLuhan pointed out in the 1960s, media are not just passive channels of information. They supply the stuff of thought, but they also shape the process of thought. And what the Net seems to be doing is chipping away my capacity for concentration and contemplation. My mind now expects to take in information the way the Net distributes it: in a swiftly moving stream of particles. Once I was a scuba diver in the sea of words. Now I zip along the surface like a guy on a Jet Ski.

A colourful metaphor, to be certain. But was it a deliberate irony to publish all 4,100 words of this lengthy essay on the web without so much as a subheading? It’s almost as if Carr invites us to blanch at the vast slabs of text - too long; didn’t read.

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Crime of passion?

12 Feb 2008

Absent of any facts, speculation rages in the Aussie meeja about the motive for the gruesome murder of Heidi Murphy in Bali. The current odds-on theory is a revenge attack for not paying workers’ wages. If it’s true, it puts the debate on industrial relations laws in this country into sharp relief.

Always striving to out-tabloid the tabloids, the Sydney Morning Herald’s reporter “discovered” a journal of love poems at the crime scene, which the police confiscated. But not before the Herald’s man in Bali managed to jot down a few lines, and then saw fit to publish them.

Stripped naked I am here waiting for you and my eyes can only see you. It’s like we’ve met 1000 times before.

Had it been published in the Sydney Goth Herald, no doubt this poem would have been reported as the author foretelling her own death. But of course with the SMH it’s always about sex.

One has to wonder, of course, about the Bali police allowing a Herald journo to poke around the crime scene. And the ethics of publishing this prurient detail of the dead woman’s private life. And the tenuousness of claiming this poetry as evidence to a crime of passion.

I mean, sure it’s shit poetry, but it’s not that bad.

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Barack the Builder - can we fix it?

8 Feb 2008

During the recent Australian federal election campaign, Herald columnist Annabel Crabb lamented that both party leaders were helping police with their inquiries into the death of political oratory.

I may the last person in the world to have noticed, but the same can not be said for the US elections. A prime example is Barack Obama’s rousing words in New Hampshire last month . . .

We know the battle ahead will be long. But always remember that, no matter what obstacles stand in our way, nothing can stand in the way of the power of millions of voices calling for change.

We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of cynics. And they will only grow louder and more dissonant in the weeks and months to come.

We’ve been asked to pause for a reality check. We’ve been warned against offering the people of this nation false hope. But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope.

For when we have faced down impossible odds, when we’ve been told we’re not ready or that we shouldn’t try or that we can’t, generations of Americans have responded with a simple creed that sums up the spirit of a people: Yes, we can. Yes, we can. Yes, we can.

It was a creed written into the founding documents that declared the destiny of a nation: Yes, we can.

It was whispered by slaves and abolitionists as they blazed a trail towards freedom through the darkest of nights: Yes, we can.

It was sung by immigrants as they struck out from distant shores and pioneers who pushed westward against an unforgiving wilderness: Yes, we can.

It was the call of workers who organized, women who reached for the ballot, a president who chose the moon as our new frontier, and a king who took us to the mountaintop and pointed the way to the promised land: Yes, we can, to justice and equality.

Yes, we can, to opportunity and prosperity. Yes, we can heal this nation. Yes, we can repair this world. Yes, we can.

And so, tomorrow, as we take the campaign south and west, as we learn that the struggles of the textile workers in Spartanburg are not so different than the plight of the dishwasher in Las Vegas, that the hopes of the little girl who goes to the crumbling school in Dillon are the same as the dreams of the boy who learns on the streets of L.A., we will remember that there is something happening in America, that we are not as divided as our politics suggest, that we are one people, we are one nation.

And, together, we will begin the next great chapter in the American story, with three words that will ring from coast to coast, from sea to shining sea: Yes, we can.

Or if you have a short attention span, you can watch the Black Eyed Peas’ celebrity-studded music video of the speech. No, for real. And while you’re at it, read the 2,500-odd illiterate, pigheaded, uneducated, self-important ejaculations from the American public in the comments section. Viva Web 2.0!

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How to be a team player

14 Jan 2008

In preparation for internal training at work, the presenter sent us a list of questions to help her “focus the session on [our] skills levels and needs”.

  1. In one sentence, what would you like to get out of the session?
  2. What is your current understanding, knowledge and experience of [subject matter] and what would you like this to be?
  3. What three key topics/points would you like to know more about?

I wrote back:

  1. Sandwiches.
  2. Current knowledge: minimal. Desired: more than current level of knowledge.
  3. Unable to answer, given current knowledge (see 2).
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Lachrymose hagiography

26 Nov 2007

And the 2007 election award for lachrymose hagiography goes to, who’d have guessed, Miranda Devine for her post-mortem on Janette Howard’s First Ladyship. (I’ve added dictionary definition links in case any Miranda fans read this and need some help.)

Wee bit of a contradiction, though. Miranda claims the former First Frump’s . . .

. . . avid interest in politics, voracious consumption of media and accurate antenna for the public mood has made the 63-year-old former teacher Mr Howard’s most formidable adviser.

Yeeeees, except for the bit last year when she told him not to step aside for Peter Costello. Overstaying his welcome has been widely credited as one of the final nails in the conservative coffin. Janette evidently misread the public mood on that one rather badly. And if we needed any more evidence of her lack of touch with the common folk . . .

When an emotional young woman told her: “I can’t believe people could vote such a good government out,” she replied: “They just don’t remember what it was like before.”

Either that, or they do remember and got sick of having the place overrun with pea-brained conservative dinosaurs who, it seems, still have trouble accepting that everyone else in the country has moved on.

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The sins of the spouse

22 Nov 2007

Ah, the deliciousness . . . The Tories’ last gasps of electoral oxygen swallowed by the idiotic actions of boofhead party hacks, who may or may not have been the husbands of the current (retiring) MP for Lindsay Jackie Kelly and her Lib replacement Karen Chijoff.

One has to be particularly impressed with Kelly’s performance on AM this morning. “I’ve read the alleged pamphlet,” she starts off . . . Ummm. If you’ve read it, it’s not alleged; it’s real. She goes on to claim it’s really a very funny satirical joke. If you didn’t know better, you’d say she was drunk or stupid, or very, very sneaky. Good thing she’s retiring, eh?

The PM failed to see the funny side, though he added we shouldn’t blame wives for the (alleged) misdemeanours of their husbands.

It doesn’t automatically follow that because this lady’s husband may have done something foolish and wrong that that disentitles her from continuing. I think that would be unreasonable and would be out of step with contemporary society.

One couldn’t help but be reminded of when Big Kev was nearly crucified because his wife’s company (allegedly) underpaid some of its workers. One delighted at the prospect of revealing, yet again, the PM’s hypocrisy in defending the actions of one spouse while getting stuck into another. But the wily old fella, in the only public utterance I could find on the matter, actually said:

This issue, Mr Speaker, has got nothing to do, it’s got nothing to do with modern marriages, its got nothing to do whatever with conflicts of interest, it’s got everything to do with the hypocrisy and the double standards of the Australian Labor Party.

Consistency! And a not-unfashionable attitude! How galling!

Still, the man has made a virtue of plodding consistency, at least as a sugar-coating for being an evil, deceitful militant reactionary. Allegedly. He even told us not to vote him out of office because you can’t change government without changing the country. And they say he’s out of touch! But then he must be, because it hasn’t occurred to him that, as a nation, we might WANT to change. As Keating the Great put it:

Nations get a chance to change course every now and then. When things become errant, a wise country adjusts its direction. It understands that it is being granted an appointment with history. On this coming Saturday, this country should take that opportunity by driving a stake through the dark heart of Howard’s reactionary government.